Autumn Memories and Magical Threads

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The magic continues
The spinner weaves a fragile thread
Taken to tangles and knots
Requiring a gentle patient touch.

We are connected by a magical thread.
Sometimes the filament frays –
when confusion clouds the perception of action or inaction.
Tenuous attachments attract uncertainty.

Fantasy, illusion, dreams – all is good –
Reality is often hard pressed to keep pace with the mind’s alternative universe.
Especially when that universe is shared
with the embodiment of remembered yearning.

A vivid memory of crisp breezes carrying wispy scent of hearth and embers.
Dusk falling rapidly as I briskly walked the few blocks home –
dodging puddles and reveling – charging through piles of crunchy maple leaves
randomly adorning the sidewalk.

Utter joy with the sensory symphony –
for the moment tenuously overriding
the swell of angst rising from my depths.
A nameless yearning. Strong sense of something missing.

Feeling such a longing to reach out and touch
the someone who was striving to do the same from parts unknown.
Continuing my walk home and
turning my thoughts to the evening’s planYet, down deep inside knowing that the longing would continue,
the vague sense of disquiet would go unappeased.
Until the shadows took on form emerging from the hidden realm
and the wonder of recognition became reality.

Bottle It

Fall Road b and w

 

 

How can I describe

my conflicted heart?

Where are the words of this love?

Where does that divide occur between

the acceptable and the taboo?

Even if I conjured up the magic formula today

would it work its charms tomorrow?

And even if the answers existed

for each dilemma, every riddle

would it be enough?

 

The panic monster lurks

observing the refuse of failed promises,

feeding on feelings still present

ill-defined, turbulent,

defiant and strong 

Contrary to  intent

the longing doesn’t stop.

grows fierce in its intensity

needing its own elixir

demanding resolution.

 

(c) The Spirit of the Goddess Minerva

You Are Gone

You are gone

I search
even knowing the outcome
you aren’t there.
The pain engulfs me –
ever sharper
So why do I search?

I can hardly string  words together
A disoriented soul
spawns a disorganized mind
Disbelieving
Unaccepting
Pleading to whatever god will listen.

You are still so much to me
more than the sum of your numerous alluring traits.
Always seductive, thought-provoking, stimulating.
and drawing out an other self
not known before
unable to be fully realized.

I was never more invincible
Than after contact with you – no matter how brief
Flirtatious, teasing, taunting
Tempting…. tormenting
You sent me into the clouds where
I lingered, floated and dreamed.

but you are gone…

Someone Else’s Drummer

Someone Else’s Drummer

I saw my shrink today
and pronounced myself cured
I came home tonight
understanding what that meant

Cured of trying to REASON you out of my thoughts
Cured of believing I’ll ever stop caring
Cured of the hope – even the dream
That someday we’ll find a way

Gone is the hope
But not the yearning
My dream has faded
while desire grows and need persists

And so the struggle continues,
once more behind a mocking mask
projecting rational thoughts,
trying to fool the world.

How many of us
live our lives pretending,
marching to the beat
of someone else’s drummer?

I’ll Have a Warm Sweater

I’ll Have a Warm Sweater 

you’ll know where to find me
I’ll be the one studying the shapes of the stones that line the dirt at the side of the road
I’ll be frowning
I’ll have a warm sweater to combat the chill coming from inside
shreds of sodden tissue spilling from the stretched out pockets
you know what I’ll be seeking
I’ll be desperately trying to regain meaning
lost without my shadow friend
going through the motions
leaden arms, sightless eyes, frozen heart
you won’t be able to see me
I have become invisible
trying to find myself
without you there is no me
suspended in time unloved, unfeeling, unmissed