The space changes. The feelings swell and take on the shape of a cloud. And like a cloud they stretch the seams and overwhelm. They guide my day and rule my night and as they grow they gain in power and in purpose and in conviction.
Some things are just inevitable cannot be thwarted cannot be stopped are immune to logic and profoundly deaf to pleas of reason.
It’s almost comical How I struggle to rationalize these emotions And to cloak them in the respectability of stand-ins for more acceptable thoughts Not that the underlying history of pain exists in an unrelated realm But that it stands on its own and heals in its own time Existing…no, thriving.
Funny how some simple thoughts don’t make it to paper Much more difficult than to tell you how you turn me on And how I want to make non stop love with you for 24 hours straight to f*** until our heads explode And then again And again.
I want to kiss every inch of you and linger where my kisses bring you exquisite pleasure savoring each moan evoked by lips intent and eager fulfill a promise made let destiny unfold.
It’s disturbing – difficult to believe that some seek to injure themselves Isn’t pain to be scrupulously avoided? Even acted out on the screen – we carefully avert our eyes And maybe even tremble a little.
I read that sensation cancels out sensation That if you scratch your bug bite that annoying itch backs down. What can mitigate a broken heart? I’d shed blood for some peace – if even for a few hours.
If I walked into the ocean until the water washed away my tears Does that mean there’d be no more? The desperate measures that some are driven to Now take on clarity.
As an habitual Pollyanna my instincts take over and lecture sternly to my desolate self always believing that in the end peace and kindness will prevail.
While the media is consumed with summing up 2012 with their top ten lists and fiscal cliff updates I’ve been doing much the same but looking a lot closer to home.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to post a list of resolutions or anything like that. Just one insight into my personal struggle with procrastination.
For the past few days I’ve consciously tried to DO when I THINK of it; usual habit being to think – oh that would be good to do – then putting whatever ‘it’ is on the back burner,.
Here’s a concrete example. I looked at this blog earlier today and considered my posting frustrations and general dissatisfaction with the functionality and look of it. But this time I dove in, changed the theme, tweaked some other things like color and felt great satisfaction with the outcome.
So I dug up a poem written many months ago and somehow forgot to post. I brushed it up some and Tada – it is now posted on my rejuvenated blog!
Have a very Happy Healthy and Prosperous New Year my dear readers!!
Thanks for all your visits, likes and comments in 2012.
The magic continues The spinner weaves a fragile thread Taken to tangles and knots Requiring a gentle patient touch.
We are connected by a magical thread. Sometimes the filament frays – when confusion clouds the perception of action or inaction. Tenuous attachments attract uncertainty.
Fantasy, illusion, dreams – all is good – Reality is often hard pressed to keep pace with the mind’s alternative universe. Especially when that universe is shared with the embodiment of remembered yearning.
A vivid memory of crisp breezes carrying wispy scent of hearth and embers. Dusk falling rapidly as I briskly walked the few blocks home – dodging puddles and reveling – charging through piles of crunchy maple leaves randomly adorning the sidewalk.
Utter joy with the sensory symphony – for the moment tenuously overriding the swell of angst rising from my depths. A nameless yearning. Strong sense of something missing.
Feeling such a longing to reach out and touch the someone who was striving to do the same from parts unknown. Continuing my walk home and turning my thoughts to the evening’s plan.
Yet, down deep inside knowing that the longing would continue, the vague sense of disquiet would go unappeased. Until the shadows took on form emerging from the hidden realm and the wonder of recognition became reality.