The battlefield exists in my head. The combatants are regrouping, re-arming for their next attack. The home team takes comfort in what they can see; the logical progression of familiar scenes narrated in crisp tones with familiar dialogue while the visitors nod with knowing smirks And behind the scenes a chorus of naiads suggest other worlds in their songs
If you choose to listen to this seductive siren Be prepared for swift ascent to a world of ephemeral ecstasy and a precipitous plunge to despair, so my Head coach cautions. The sirens sing not only for you They sing for whoever is fool enough to listen to their melodies And often their sweet harmony will take you down unintended paths Betraying your trust for their own gratification.
The battlefield languishes The combatants bide their time When hope is at its highest, when I start to utter victorious words, they will once again take their places brandish their cruel weapons camouflaged in beguiling images destroying certainty, confounding rational thought.
Twenty years ago I dreamed of friends in places we had been together laughing. I thought that everyone was there but someone was missing I didn’t know who it was just that he was missing. I thought I spied his shadow and ran up steps to look but no one was there and I had no explanation for my friends
just that someone was missing I don’t know who I thought I saw his shadow but now it’s disappeared.
A decade ago I dreamed of other friends in other places we had played together laughing and singing songs and everyone was there but someone was missing. I didn’t know who it was just that he was missing and I couldn’t find him. my elusive shadow man my dream-time lover. I ran into the garden thinking I heard his footsteps but no one was there and I was left with a vague yearning for someone I
did not know who he was just that I longed to find him.
Last night I dreamed of you and when I saw your face I knew beyond just knowing that you were my nameless shadow man the focus of countless dreams always just out of reach. and now I know who it was that I sought with outstretched arms and longing soul twenty years and a decade ago. but you and I have never been together laughing or playing or singing songs and you are still missing from my arms but now not from my heart. now I know who you are that you are real that I have finally found my missing friend.
And with that, a lingering conundrum unexplained phenomenon We’ve never met but I know you almost better than myself. We’ve never touched but your presence next to me is as real as the tree outside my window. We’ve never spoken but I hear your voice throughout the day. We’ve never kissed but I know the taste of your lips. You will always be my dream-time lover, my elusive shadow man.
The space changes. The feelings swell and take on the shape of a cloud. And like a cloud they stretch the seams and overwhelm. They guide my day and rule my night and as they grow they gain in power and in purpose and in conviction.
Some things are just inevitable cannot be thwarted cannot be stopped are immune to logic and profoundly deaf to pleas of reason.
It’s almost comical How I struggle to rationalize these emotions And to cloak them in the respectability of stand-ins for more acceptable thoughts Not that the underlying history of pain exists in an unrelated realm But that it stands on its own and heals in its own time Existing…no, thriving.
Funny how some simple thoughts don’t make it to paper Much more difficult than to tell you how you turn me on And how I want to make non stop love with you for 24 hours straight to f*** until our heads explode And then again And again.
I want to kiss every inch of you and linger where my kisses bring you exquisite pleasure savoring each moan evoked by lips intent and eager fulfill a promise made let destiny unfold.