Trembling, tear stained choking on bitterness afraid to sleep demons lying in wait taunting her for a fool chiding her for every well earned tear laughing at her delusions. no kick ass bounce back dime a dozen old news with it graduate of the love ‘em and leave ‘em school of romance, culture shock overtaking a late bloomer, upright and ignorant, acquiring new vocabulary, emotions overwhelming inbred propriety, rational civility, well honed modesty Misplaced passions escaping the iron bars of habitual morality; stored and forgotten, left to ripen, savoring freedom, generating their own brand of courage and strength abandoning common wisdom for the uncommon illogical magnetic pull of forbidden love in faraway places, desire fueled by desire, emotion trumping reality, surreal, the stuff of mid day soaps, bosom baring paperback novels and Shakespearean tragedy.
It will happen one day, not tomorrow.
But tomorrow I will close my eyes and
I will embrace the dream not hold it off
With shaking tearful fears and doubts..
Welcoming – opening my arms,
my heart, accepting you into my soul.
And one day, not tomorrow
but one day before this earth
completes another journey ’round its sun
we will be together
To complete what began with teasing winks and tempting smiles
–years before –maybe-a hundred years before.
Was there ever a time
you were not known to my heart?
Overcome by powerful feelings,
Unspoken words, unanswered desires
needing hope to perform its alchemy
and turn bitter tears sweet.
With certainty that this feeling echoes and grows
rounded with common caring and desire
Mutual fears matched by shared hopes fuel growing passion.
Dreams are redefined with shape and substance to
mold the doubtful fantasy
Turning ephemeral whimsy
into fiercely wished for reality.
Using all remedy
and means of resource.
One day soon, in this lifetime.
It’s disturbing – difficult to believe that some seek to injure themselves Isn’t pain to be scrupulously avoided? Even acted out on the screen – we carefully avert our eyes And maybe even tremble a little.
I read that sensation cancels out sensation That if you scratch your bug bite that annoying itch backs down. What can mitigate a broken heart? I’d shed blood for some peace – if even for a few hours.
If I walked into the ocean until the water washed away my tears Does that mean there’d be no more? The desperate measures that some are driven to Now take on clarity.
As an habitual Pollyanna my instincts take over and lecture sternly to my desolate self always believing that in the end peace and kindness will prevail.
Last year, before The Spirit of the Goddess claimed a large portion of my psyche, I put together a little video that represented a certain state of mind. Some days I can enjoy it just for the music and the images; other times I can barely watch it because of the strong emotions that are unleashed.
Which reaction did you have? Please leave a comment on the blog.