I search even knowing the outcome you aren’t there. The pain engulfs me – ever sharper So why do I search?
I can hardly string words together A disoriented soul spawns a disorganized mind Disbelieving Unaccepting Pleading to whatever god will listen.
You are still so much to me more than the sum of your numerous alluring traits. Always seductive, thought-provoking, stimulating. and drawing out an other self not known before unable to be fully realized.
I was never more invincible Than after contact with you – no matter how brief Flirtatious, teasing, taunting Tempting…. tormenting You sent me into the clouds where I lingered, floated and dreamed.
you’ll know where to find me I’ll be the one studying the shapes of the stones that line the dirt at the side of the road I’ll be frowning I’ll have a warm sweater to combat the chill coming from inside shreds of sodden tissue spilling from the stretched out pockets you know what I’ll be seeking I’ll be desperately trying to regain meaning lost without my shadow friend going through the motions leaden arms, sightless eyes, frozen heart you won’t be able to see me I have become invisible trying to find myself without you there is no me suspended in time unloved, unfeeling, unmissed
Trembling, tear stained choking on bitterness afraid to sleep demons lying in wait taunting her for a fool chiding her for every well earned tear laughing at her delusions. no kick ass bounce back dime a dozen old news with it graduate of the love ‘em and leave ‘em school of romance, culture shock overtaking a late bloomer, upright and ignorant, acquiring new vocabulary, emotions overwhelming inbred propriety, rational civility, well honed modesty Misplaced passions escaping the iron bars of habitual morality; stored and forgotten, left to ripen, savoring freedom, generating their own brand of courage and strength abandoning common wisdom for the uncommon illogical magnetic pull of forbidden love in faraway places, desire fueled by desire, emotion trumping reality, surreal, the stuff of mid day soaps, bosom baring paperback novels and Shakespearean tragedy.
It’s disturbing – difficult to believe that some seek to injure themselves Isn’t pain to be scrupulously avoided? Even acted out on the screen – we carefully avert our eyes And maybe even tremble a little.
I read that sensation cancels out sensation That if you scratch your bug bite that annoying itch backs down. What can mitigate a broken heart? I’d shed blood for some peace – if even for a few hours.
If I walked into the ocean until the water washed away my tears Does that mean there’d be no more? The desperate measures that some are driven to Now take on clarity.
As an habitual Pollyanna my instincts take over and lecture sternly to my desolate self always believing that in the end peace and kindness will prevail.