an image is burned in my mind
you, standing at the foot of my bed
your cheshire cat grin
my fingers itchy
eyes open eyes shut
you hold your ground
passion set aside
I awaken, open my eyes and remember with a sinking feeling
that I won’t be hearing from you today.
You won’t be there to surprise me with a sweet hello.
Such a silly little thing to have been so often the highlight of an otherwise dull day filled with monotonous chores.
Such a silly little thing to miss so fiercely,
but so typical of the you I’ve come to know.
And come to count on to pick me up from the depths and kick my butt and tell me not to be so hard on myself.
Reminding me that life’s too short to be hung up on the little things.
I took it all to heart
Even if you thought I wasn’t listening.
It’s been a hard journey made easier by words like yours,
always timely, ever welcome
Open to hearing my woesome tales of loss, of disappointment and grief
Patient with my ranting and tolerant of misplaced anger
You’ve been a constant in a capricious world.
Demonstrating by example the courage to travel your own path
As I was embarking upon my own;
applauding my successes and dishing out heady
doses of lavish praise that stirred my creative spirit.
While I watched you as you tilled the soil of your life’s journey –
Planning your future and showing your devotion to your family.
Always feeling close
Almost a kinship
Certainly one of spirit and harmony.
Life is full of surprises and things change.
Inevitably and never according to our timetables
Friendships begin, evolve, and strengthen
And sometimes meet with chaotic forces
that threaten to destroy all the inherent good.
Always being tested by external stresses. we sometimes
create our own distracters unaware of potential for harm.
And when communication is lacking or unclear
or expectations not well defined
we cause hurt without rancor to those we care for most.
Utter spiteful words, throw out hasty accusations,
or fail to explain actions that could be perceived as hostile.
Beyond the words, despite the actions
the singular beauty of friendship
can survive or perish
determined by the value placed on it.
The repercussions of this episode will echo
endlessly for this lonely friend
unless some resolution is made possible.
There’s still a lot to do
more hurdles to overcome, more strength needed.
The support, encouragement and admiration of a true friend
Is precious and sometimes even vital.
You are that precious vital friend.
Sometimes you have to write the words.
Staring at your folly in print
may make it disappear.
Exposing your errant thoughts
to the light of day
casts a new reality.
Take new notice
of the ground beneath your feet.
Sometimes I write the words
Because I have no choice
When thoughts of you linger
and all evening
and yesterday too.
What is this?
How can it possibly be this way?
Your care for me has vanished
along with you.
I struggle to accept this in vain.
Who are you
to invade my mind
all my waking hours?
What power do you possess
that I succumb to my lunatic thoughts?
I gave so much of myself
because that’s what I needed to do.
You were ever accepting
and my fears abated.
And I believed
you would keep the fragments safe,
not throw them to the wind
like yesterday’s ashes.
my broken record of pain and tears
No end in sight
I am so lost.
Part of me is gone forever.
One loss too many,
the final blow.
The ironic and dreadful thought
that I may have caused this
with enthusiasm mistaken for demands
and confusion prompting angry words.
Is it too late to recapture
the give and take of a sincere friend?
To support and be uplifted
by someone who truly cares?