True Friends

I awaken, open my eyes and remember with a sinking feeling

that I won’t be hearing from you today.

You won’t be there to surprise me with a sweet hello.

Such a silly little thing to have been so often the highlight of an otherwise dull day filled with monotonous chores.

Such a silly little thing to miss so fiercely,

but so typical of the you I’ve come to know.

And come to count on to pick me up from the depths and kick my butt and tell me not to be so hard on myself.

Reminding me that life’s too short to be hung up on the little things.

I took it all to heart

Even if you thought I wasn’t listening.

It’s been a hard journey made easier by words like yours,

always timely, ever welcome

 

Open to hearing my woesome tales of loss, of disappointment and grief

Patient with my ranting and tolerant of misplaced anger

You’ve been a constant in a capricious world.

Demonstrating by example the courage to travel your own path

As I was embarking upon my own;

applauding my successes and dishing out heady

doses of lavish praise that stirred my creative spirit.

While I watched you as you tilled the soil of your life’s journey –

Planning your future and showing your devotion to your family.

Always feeling close

Almost a kinship

Certainly one of spirit and harmony.

 

Life is full of surprises and things change.

Inevitably and never according to our timetables

Friendships begin, evolve, and strengthen

And sometimes meet with chaotic forces

that threaten to destroy all the inherent good.

Always being tested by external stresses. we sometimes

create our own distracters unaware of potential for harm.

And when communication is lacking or unclear

or expectations not well defined

we cause hurt without rancor to those we care for most.

Utter spiteful words, throw out hasty accusations,

or fail to explain actions that could be perceived as hostile.

 

Beyond the words, despite the actions

the singular beauty of friendship

can survive or perish

determined by the value placed on it.

The repercussions of this episode will echo

endlessly for this lonely friend

unless some resolution is made possible.

There’s still a lot to do

more hurdles to overcome, more strength needed.

The support, encouragement and admiration of a true friend

Is precious and sometimes even vital.

You are that precious vital friend.

 

Beyond Reason

Sometimes you have to write the words.

Staring at your folly in print

may make it disappear.

Exposing your errant thoughts

to the light of day

casts a new reality.

Take new notice

of the ground beneath your feet.

 

Sometimes I write the words

Because I have no choice

When thoughts of you linger

all day

and all evening

and yesterday too.

What is this?

How can it possibly be this way?

 

Your care for me has vanished

along with you.

I struggle to accept this in vain.

Who are you

to invade my mind

all my waking hours?

What power do you possess

that I succumb to my lunatic thoughts?

 

I gave so much of myself

because that’s what I needed to do.

You were ever accepting

and my fears abated.

And I believed

you would keep the fragments safe,

not throw them to the wind

like yesterday’s ashes.

 

And now

my broken record of pain and tears

continues.

No end in sight

I am so lost.

Part of me is gone forever.

One loss too many,

the final blow.

The ironic and dreadful thought

that I may have caused this

with enthusiasm mistaken for demands

and confusion prompting angry words.

Is it too late to recapture

the give and take of a sincere friend?

To support and be uplifted

by someone who truly cares?


I said I wouldn’t

I said I wouldn’t
So I won’t
I said I wouldn’t bother you
I don’t
 
I said I wouldn’t write to you
I don’t
I said I wouldn’t demand a thing
I don’t
 
I said I’d always be your friend
I am
I said I’d always support your goals
I do
 
I said I wouldn’t interfere
I don’t
I said I’d always remember you
I will
 
I said I’d keep it to myself
I did mostly
I said I didn’t want you
I lied.