Tag Archives: poetry

by

My Shadow Man

stepsTwenty years ago I dreamed of  friends in places we had been together laughing.
I thought that everyone was there but someone was missing I didn’t know who it was just that he was missing.
I thought I spied his shadow and ran up  steps to look but no one was there and I had no explanation for my friends

just that someone was missing I don’t know who I thought I saw his shadow but now it’s disappeared.

A decade ago I dreamed of other friends in other places we had played together laughing and singing songs and everyone was there but someone was missing.
I didn’t know who it was just that he was missing and I couldn’t find him.
my elusive shadow man my dream-time lover.
I ran into the garden thinking I heard his footsteps but no one was there and I was left with a vague yearning for someone I

did not know who he was just that I longed to find him.

Last night I dreamed of you and when I saw your face I knew beyond just knowing  that you were my nameless shadow man the focus of countless dreams always just out of reach.
and now I know who it was that I sought with outstretched arms and longing soul twenty years and a decade ago.
but you and I have never been together laughing or playing or singing songs and you are still missing from my arms but now not from my heart.
now I know who you are that you are real that I have finally found my missing friend.

And with that, a lingering conundrum unexplained phenomenon
We’ve never met but I know you almost better than myself.
We’ve never touched but your presence next to me is as real as the tree outside my window.
We’ve never spoken but I hear your voice throughout the day.
We’ve never kissed but I know the taste of your lips.
You will always be my dream-time lover, my elusive shadow man.

by

If We Could

This would  be so simple
if I could say it’s been good to know ya hunny and turn my back
and creep  back into my dusty corner.

If it brought you happiness
I would wiggle my nose and disappear… and a tiny butterfly
would land on yours – erasing my memory from the hard drive in your head.

You would be free of me forever
No crazy poet to disturb your tranquility
To tell you how much she loves you and wants you.

 If I could.

Common sense has no role 
as a means to the end
of the uncommon connection between us.

 Busy days with endless details
fail  to crowd out thoughts of you
and the eager anticipation of feeling your presence.

We drift we collide we bide our time
A struggle ongoing, edging toward resolution
Ominous and inevitable 

I cling to the certainty
That this is not yet over
Despite the ought tos, the should haves and the must nots.

 
It is not possible to contain the ephemeral.
The only way to resolve this fantastical dilemma
Is to act out the fantasy and make it real

You won’t be my friend
I won’t be your enemy
But I would be your lover

If you could…

by

Ever Never

What’s to be gained pounding on a keyboard as though I were pounding you out of my heart I know and you know that’s not working just leaves bruises everywhere hurts me makes me cry knowing nothing will change

Ever

Ever

Never

It is what it is banal buzzwords of today but buzz buzz buzz  it’s all just words. Words and tears and pushing my fears and tears onto you not fair not fair to you or to me ‘cause nothing will change what is

Ever

Ever

Never

Like a bolt of lightning you lit me up then poof you were gone leaving your mark behind like a brand  singed  right where my heart creeps into my throat and stops my breath oh yes you did and you do take my breath away.  I struggle for answers – the whys and hows and whens and whats and all I get are pushes and pokes and pretty music – that prompts more questions more folly thinking more tears and the glaring truth always there unspoken tsk tsk why the fuck don’t you just go away I can do this with a well aimed click or two but I’ll be damned if I do and damned if I don’t so damn you damn me forget it it ain’t gonna happen.

Ever

Ever

Never

Revolving door syndrome full circle what goes around haven’t we had this non conversation before? Stop putting words in my mouth and thoughts in my head and pain in my heart and taking away my breath and stop playing cats got your tongue and just let it out.  Things will change but some things don’t won’t can’t be more than they are more than they ever were

Ever

Ever

Never

by

Hope’s Alchemy

It will happen one day,  not tomorrow.
But tomorrow I will close my eyes and
I will embrace the dream not hold it off
With shaking tearful fears and doubts..
Welcoming – opening my arms,
my heart, accepting you into my soul.
And one day,  not tomorrow
but one day before this earth
completes another journey ’round its sun
we will be together
To complete what began with teasing winks and  tempting smiles
–years before –maybe-a hundred years before.
Was there ever a time
you were not known to my heart?

Overcome by powerful feelings,
Unspoken words, unanswered desires
needing hope to perform its alchemy
and turn bitter tears sweet.
With certainty that this feeling echoes and grows
rounded with common caring and desire
Mutual fears matched by shared hopes fuel growing passion.
Dreams are redefined with shape and substance to
mold the doubtful fantasy
Turning ephemeral whimsy
into fiercely wished for reality.
Using all remedy
and means of resource.
One day soon, in this lifetime.

December 22, 2011, revised February 11, 2013