Tag Archives: love

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Zombieland

Zombieland isn’t half as bad as reputation alludes

The place I have in mind is a mindless boring pit

but looking better by the day

half way there by lunch tomorrow

No more crying jags that last 2 hours

No more disappointments, no more slammed doors

No more ambushed dreams

 

Just a numbing inertia- driven tub of dulled

nerve endings shrouded by molasses thick apathy.

Sight dimmed by dusty cobwebs.

Ears tuned to the ordinary.

Thoughts never straying to dangerous places.

Hopes abandoned.

Sweet thoughts erased.

 

Last flicker dimmed deprived of air

choking on truth afflicted with blindness

what is real, what is imagined

matters not when all is gone forever

many painful losses should have paved the way

for this most hurtful time of all

Abandoned, lost, no more trust to give.

 

Cruel irony played a trick

when blindsided by a passion

never dreamed of feeling

Whimsical fates intervened

upending my ordered world

adding unanswered longings to a

newly wakened sensibility

 

So my friend you see that

Zombieland is meant for one like me

a perfect fit for an imperfect heart

that lost direction while seeking nothing at all.

that lost her mind to the riddles never solved

and handed her soul to a stranger.

now waiting for oblivion.

 

A redo from 2012 

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The Saboteur

DL at nightThe Saboteur

Weeks, months, years passed
First encounter imminent
Impulsive and thoughtless
I undermined it all

Acting on a whim,
no thought to repercussions
driven by a wish to surprise
and a spirit of adventure.

These stated motives
suffer under closer scrutiny.
Did fear direct my actions?
Or an unstated need prevail?

What did I fear?
That the reality of your touch
would fall short of my fantasy?
Or that I would disappoint you?

Predictable fears yet
deep inside I knew
that was not how it would play out
and that scared me to death.

I didn’t know it at the time,
It took some contemplation
soul searching, uncovering truths:
I feared I would never let you go.

That I would fall completely in love
with the reality of you in my arms
and never want to leave your side
and our worlds would turn upside down.

And reality and fantasy would merge
this new world unrecognizable
To either you or me
And ‘though we loved, we would lose our selves.

So we retreat to fantasy
And I still want you
And long for your touch
And am yours for always.

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The Right Thing

When I can look into your eyes
brush my fingertips across your cheek
and breathe in your reality
only then will I know 
the right thing to do.
Right for you
right for me
and throw off doubts and questions.
 
Plans are presented in black and white
limited to logistical concerns.
Our unknowns will flounder
beyond the scope of micro management
to be revealed and resolved
at a time and in a manner 
subject to the pressures of fate.
 
I will succumb to the power of the tide
and not fight the errant wind
If that is where my inner muse directs me.
No script to follow – I’ll listen to my heart.
No finger wagging critics – internal or external
to censure 
And I’ll know it is right.
Hummingbird enjoying breakfast

 

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My Shadow Man

stepsTwenty years ago I dreamed of  friends in places we had been together laughing.
I thought that everyone was there but someone was missing I didn’t know who it was just that he was missing.
I thought I spied his shadow and ran up  steps to look but no one was there and I had no explanation for my friends

just that someone was missing I don’t know who I thought I saw his shadow but now it’s disappeared.

A decade ago I dreamed of other friends in other places we had played together laughing and singing songs and everyone was there but someone was missing.
I didn’t know who it was just that he was missing and I couldn’t find him.
my elusive shadow man my dream-time lover.
I ran into the garden thinking I heard his footsteps but no one was there and I was left with a vague yearning for someone I

did not know who he was just that I longed to find him.

Last night I dreamed of you and when I saw your face I knew beyond just knowing  that you were my nameless shadow man the focus of countless dreams always just out of reach.
and now I know who it was that I sought with outstretched arms and longing soul twenty years and a decade ago.
but you and I have never been together laughing or playing or singing songs and you are still missing from my arms but now not from my heart.
now I know who you are that you are real that I have finally found my missing friend.

And with that, a lingering conundrum unexplained phenomenon
We’ve never met but I know you almost better than myself.
We’ve never touched but your presence next to me is as real as the tree outside my window.
We’ve never spoken but I hear your voice throughout the day.
We’ve never kissed but I know the taste of your lips.
You will always be my dream-time lover, my elusive shadow man.

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Ever Never

What’s to be gained pounding on a keyboard as though I were pounding you out of my heart I know and you know that’s not working just leaves bruises everywhere hurts me makes me cry knowing nothing will change

Ever

Ever

Never

It is what it is banal buzzwords of today but buzz buzz buzz  it’s all just words. Words and tears and pushing my fears and tears onto you not fair not fair to you or to me ‘cause nothing will change what is

Ever

Ever

Never

Like a bolt of lightning you lit me up then poof you were gone leaving your mark behind like a brand  singed  right where my heart creeps into my throat and stops my breath oh yes you did and you do take my breath away.  I struggle for answers – the whys and hows and whens and whats and all I get are pushes and pokes and pretty music – that prompts more questions more folly thinking more tears and the glaring truth always there unspoken tsk tsk why the fuck don’t you just go away I can do this with a well aimed click or two but I’ll be damned if I do and damned if I don’t so damn you damn me forget it it ain’t gonna happen.

Ever

Ever

Never

Revolving door syndrome full circle what goes around haven’t we had this non conversation before? Stop putting words in my mouth and thoughts in my head and pain in my heart and taking away my breath and stop playing cats got your tongue and just let it out.  Things will change but some things don’t won’t can’t be more than they are more than they ever were

Ever

Ever

Never